Farewell

Here we are at the end of another year, of another era, of another time. It’s the end of a grade, of [life at] a school, and even of some acquaintanceships, as we are splitting and moving in different directions. In a way, it’s not only an end of all that, but also an end of a part of our lives--for high school is when we have to start making choices for (although I hate to say it) our futures; the end of careless freedom.


It’s funny to sit here and look in both directions: to the past and far to the future. It’s funny to remember how it was when I was half my age now, in second grade, before most of the things that make me who I am had happened--and a little further on, in third grade, trying to make sense of my new place in things in Spectrum--fourth grade, learning about writing and about who my friends are--fifth, trying to reorient (and perhaps I made the wrong choice, but what’s there to do?) “for my better survival in junior high”--sixth, just trying to balance things out…

And then it’s funny to think about 15 years from now, when I’ll be double my age, in my 30s. I wonder will I have figured things out then? And what’s in store between here and there? What will come in the murky depths of the future?

No one can answer that question just now. There is only to wait and hope. But this is a farewell, and all farewells are bittersweet. And every ending must know itself, however hard it is.

There are things I’d like to say, but can’t put into words. The quest of a writer, though, is to try--and so I will. I’d like to say how glad I am that I’ve been here, how glad I am that I’ve done everything I’ve done, and how, even when I felt like it was pointless, I think it turned out well in the end. I want to say how sorry I am that there are people I may never see again, and I want to say that I love you all anyway. I want to say that even though things are ending, they were worth it…I want to say that I have hope for what will happen in the future and that I

And to Mr. T, I wanted to say thanks for everything--the encouragement, the challenge, the random discussions. This year has been amazing in many ways, and I’m…proud of it. Of everything that’s happened. I’ve learned a lot, realized a lot, and I hope some of that will stay with me. Only time will tell.

And so it’s goodbye to another year and another time. Someday I’ll look back on this and wonder what I was thinking, and someday I’ll look back on it with a feeling of reconciliation. Every ending must be understood and every path must be come to terms with…and so it will. Farewell…
 
(PS I got distracted, so it falls apart a bit...)