Trepidation

Sometimes a realization comes as a shock--just hits you. Sometimes it creeps up on you for a long time before you can finally face it. Well...just like this. Nationals...is next week. We are LEAVING in six days!

And then you suddenly start panicking...

"I am up to the ends of my hair in homework!" says my partner for the triumph, and I wholeheartedly agree. Not only am I worrying about not being ready for Olympiad itself, missing three days of school at the end of the term is a real pain. It forces everything else to get pushed together...rather like the Doppler effect, with it being compressed on this side of Wednesday and rarefied on the opposite side of it. I find it especially convenient that I can rant about my homework while doing it...or some form of it...though.

I can't help looking forward to next weekend. Nationals really is the best ever--5 days with some of your favorite people in the world (well, and maybe a certain person you'd really rather not see...certain readers will know I mean "YKW"), doing all sorts of things you love. I have a feeling that this Nationals trip is going to be better than ever before. Although I've been like a horse digging its heels in, trying (hopelessly, of course, for no one really can) to slow the flow of time, I find myself in an odd sort of peace once more. Once again I've done all I can, and then it'll just be up to the very day of to see what shall happen to all of us.

Still, I'd have to say that trepidation is a good word for my feelings at the moment. My events are such that I actually do have several chances at medals--namely Bio-Process Lab, Solar System, and Experimental Design--and as it's my last year in which going to Nationals is a (almost) certainty. If I don't make something of this chance, then a lot of people (including myself) are going to be very disappointed.

In fact, the worst feeling is that you haven't done anything. This year I'm not really sure what I've accomplished--and this is my last chance for something big this year. It feels like so much hinges on this--even though it's something that we usually don't worry about, just do because it's so much fun. I'm not sure whether my fears or worries are founded or pointless, or whether I should be trying more, or if I'm doing something completely wrong...

Isn't indecision such a funny thing? Or the feeling like you should be doing something but don't know what? There's that old saying about the only thing certain in life being uncertainty (although that's a bit of a contradictory statement in itself). I wonder if that's a good thing or a bad thing, and if it's better to be so confident in something or to expect something bad to happen? Is it better for the outcome? Or your feelings after it? We'll see after next week...